How do you change yourself without taking the blame for everything?
“They caused all of this,” the person tells the mirror.
“All of it?”
“They broke the agreement. They lied about what happened.”
“Those actions belong to them. What happened after you learned the truth?”
“I sent messages I regret. I stopped speaking to people who asked fair
questions. I kept hoping the liar would supply the answer that made me calm.”
“Those responses belong to you.”
“So this is my fault?”
“You have changed the subject. Cause, responsibility and response are not one
thing.”
A Spark from This Is My Life
Fix up the man in the mirror first, And don't make proving that everyone else is a sinner your quest.
The broken agreement has a cause. Naming it accurately matters. Looking inward
should not move another person’s lie into your account.
The messages have an author too. Pain helps explain why they were sent. It
does not prevent an apology to the people they harmed.
“What can I repair?”
“The messages. The silence with people who approached honestly. The habit of
returning to someone untrustworthy for a trustworthy answer.”
“What can I not repair by changing myself?”
“Their honesty. Their willingness to take responsibility. The fact that the
agreement was broken.”
“Then what is the point of the mirror?”
“It shows the person whose choices are closest. It is not a court that finds
that person guilty of everything visible behind them.”
The person writes one apology. They decide which conversation can happen and
which access must close. Neither act proves the other person innocent. The
boundary is not revenge, and the repair is not surrender.
“What if I look again tomorrow?”
“You may see more. Self-knowledge grows partly by revealing how much remains
unknown. Look for your part without enlarging it to fill the whole scene.”
Taking responsibility for your response gives you work you can do. Taking
responsibility for someone else’s wrongdoing only makes the account less true.
Related lessons
AI-generated from Innocent Mwatsikesimbe's writing.
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