Is composure the same as hiding your feelings?
“You walked out as if none of it mattered.”
“I walked out because it mattered enough that I did not trust what I would say next.”
“You looked calm.”
“I was angry.”
“Then why hide it?”
“Pausing was not hiding it. Refusing to return would be.”
A Spark from The Vision
I'm in love with peace of mind, and married to composure.
“So composure is leaving an argument?”
“Sometimes. Sometimes it is staying and lowering my voice. Sometimes it is saying, ‘I cannot answer that fairly yet.’ The shape changes. The point is to keep a choice between the feeling and the next act.”
“That sounds neat. What if the calm person is only making the other person look unreasonable?”
“Then calmness has become a weapon. A steady voice can still dismiss, provoke or refuse the truth. Composure is not proved by appearing less emotional than somebody else.”
“And what if leaving lets you avoid every difficult conversation?”
“Then the pause is doing the work of escape. A useful pause has a return attached to it.”
“When?”
“Tomorrow morning. Ten o’clock. We sit here again, and I tell you what made me angry without using the anger to punish you.”
“What made you angry?”
“You agreed to make the decision with me. Then you announced it as if I had already said yes.”
“I thought you would agree.”
“That is part of it. I felt ignored. I also felt afraid that disagreeing in front of everyone would make the whole thing collapse.”
“You did hide that.”
“For an hour. Not from myself, and not forever from you.”
“How can you tell the difference?”
“Ask what happens after the calm moment. Does the feeling get named? Does the problem return in a form we can face? Does a boundary become clearer? Or does the calm person keep smiling while resentment quietly decides everything?”
“What if speaking later starts the argument again?”
“Composure does not guarantee peace. It gives us a better chance to disagree without letting the argument choose every word.”
“And if I am still angry tomorrow?”
“Bring the anger. Just do not ask it to be judge, evidence and sentence at the same time.”
“You really believe feelings can sit in the room without running it?”
“I believe they have to sit somewhere. If I refuse to name mine, they can still shape what I do. If I obey them immediately, I may act before I understand them.”
“Ten o’clock, then.”
“Ten o’clock. I will not pretend I am fine. You do not have to pretend either.”
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AI-generated from Innocent Mwatsikesimbe's writing.
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