What does it mean to become more mature?
Growing older does not mean becoming a person whom nobody can teach. Sometimes maturity begins with recognising that another person does something better, and deciding to learn how.
In Baby’s motivation, Innocent begins with children seeing abilities in the people around them and reaching towards those abilities. He carries the observation into adulthood. We still need people who show us better ways to think, succeed and love life. Becoming more selective about influence is part of growing up, not a reason to stop learning.
A Spark from The Vision
Babies soon realize that talking is better than crying, and walking is better than crawling. They see a better way and reach out for it.
Suppose you are visiting a relative while she helps a child put on a coat. The child is struggling with a button. You are about to do it for them, but your relative waits. She holds the coat steady, explains where the button needs to go and lets the child try again.
You would have finished sooner. Watching her, you realise that finishing the coat is not her only purpose. She is also giving the child a chance to do something they cannot yet do easily. When one button finally goes through, there are still others to fasten. The slow attempt has nevertheless achieved something your quicker help would have skipped.
You can admire her patience without yet knowing how to practise it. “I should be more patient” names a wish. Looking closely at what she did gives you something to learn: she helped with the part that was getting in the way without taking over the whole task.
Learn the judgment, not just the gesture
Waiting is not always the better response. If the child is cold or you urgently need to leave, fastening the coat for them may be sensible. A child who asks for help is not required to struggle until an adult decides they have learned enough.
What makes your relative’s example useful is the fit between her help and what was needed then. Copying the pause in every situation would miss that. You need to understand what she was trying to achieve and what allowed her to take the time.
You might ask how she knows when to step in. Her answer may include mistakes she has made: waiting while a child became frustrated, or doing too much when a little assistance would have been enough. The better example becomes more useful when you can see the decisions behind it, not only the calm result.
Later, when someone is learning a task you know well, you can try asking which part they want help with. You may discover that your impulse to take over returns as soon as they work more slowly than you would. Recognising a better way was the beginning; learning to use it asks something further of you.
Your relative need not become your model for every part of life. You have found a particular quality worth learning, understood something of how it works and begun to practise it. There can still be other things you know better than she does. Growing from another person’s example does not require either of you to be the finished person.
Related lessons
AI-generated from Innocent Mwatsikesimbe's writing.
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