Can you be unhappy with life and still have happy moments?
You have had another disappointing reply to a job application. At dinner, your sister tells a story about something that happened on her way over. Before she finishes, you are both laughing.
For a moment, you forget the reply. Then you remember, and the laughter feels almost out of place. An hour ago you were worrying about how long you could keep going like this. How can the evening also be enjoyable?
The two experiences concern different parts of your life. You are unhappy about being out of work. You are pleased to be with your sister. Enjoying her company does not make the worry false, and the worry does not make the laughter false either.
A Spark from The Vision
Happiness is not a stage in life that you get to, but it is a state of mind you maintain. So you can be happy, whatever stage of life you're at; even if you hate it and are working to change your life.
In “My happiness”, Innocent recalls returning to a place he had left unhappily. After leaving, thoughts of the place had reminded him of his problems. Being there again helped him see how far he had come. He realised that his earlier unhappiness had involved lost security, freedom and progress, rather than the place alone.
The same surroundings could hold a different experience. From that discovery, he describes happiness as something other than arriving at the right stage of life. A person can dislike their circumstances and work to change them while still finding value in the life being lived now.
At dinner, nothing in the room can tell the whole story either. The meal is ordinary. The unanswered questions about work remain. But your sister has come to see you, she has something funny to tell you, and for a while you are enjoying being together. You do not have to make that enjoyment answer whether the rest of your life is going well.
It can be hard to allow this when you are trying to show someone how serious the problem is. You may worry that, if they see you laughing, they will think you no longer need help. Yet another person’s incomplete reading of a moment does not make the moment dishonest. You can tell them that you had a good evening and are still struggling with the larger situation.
The pleasure may pass quickly. Later, when the dishes are done, you may feel anxious again. That return does not prove the earlier happiness was only pretence. It shows that the problem is still there and that one evening contained more than one feeling.
Nor must you produce such an evening on demand. Some days offer little relief, and being unable to enjoy something is not a failure to approach life correctly. The point is to leave room for an experience when it comes, rather than refuse it because it does not match your account of the whole period.
Tomorrow may include another application or a difficult conversation about money. Tonight, if you want your sister to stay for another cup of tea, you can ask. You still want life to change. You would also like a little more of this evening.
Related lessons
AI-generated from Innocent Mwatsikesimbe's writing.
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