What does it mean to be fully present in your own life?
You can spend an evening with someone and realise afterwards that you barely heard them.
You remember sitting together. You answered when they spoke. But you were also checking messages and deciding what to say about a problem at work. When they mentioned something that mattered to them, you nodded without asking about it.
Being present means giving enough attention to the life happening around you to take part in it. In that conversation, it might begin with putting the phone down and saying, “Tell me more about that.” You make room to hear an answer you have not already assumed.
A Spark from The Vision
My idea of outliving is not living more years, but deeper moments. Seizing the moment and appreciating my freedom to live.
An evening can feel well spent without anything remarkable happening. You might hear why your friend is looking forward to a move, rather than merely remember that they are moving. You learn something about a person you thought you already knew.
There is room for that kind of attention in ordinary things too. A meal can be more than something eaten while you get through messages. You may notice a flavour you like, take your time or talk to the person who cooked it. The meal is still simple. You have allowed yourself to enjoy what was already there.
In “Outliving”, Innocent also connects deeper living with the freedom to spend time as he wishes and express himself without continually worrying about other people’s opinions. His example is as ordinary as wearing his hair long because he likes it.
That freedom matters because distraction is not always a screen or an unfinished task. Sometimes you are watching yourself through an imagined audience. You like the music, but wonder whether dancing would look foolish. You want to ask a question, but spend the conversation deciding whether it would make you sound ignorant. Your attention goes into how you might appear, leaving less room for what you wanted to experience.
You may still feel self-conscious when you join in. You do not have to wait for that feeling to disappear before enjoying a song or asking what you genuinely want to know.
Some moments are difficult to remain with. If someone tells you disappointing news, listening properly will not make the news welcome. It may help you understand what has happened, ask a question or say honestly that you need time. Being present does not require you to be pleased with the life in front of you.
Sometimes you realise only afterwards how much of a conversation you missed. You can still close the messages and ask about the thing you barely acknowledged earlier.
“I wasn’t really listening when you mentioned the move. How are you feeling about it?”
You cannot repeat the evening, but you can listen to the answer.
Related lessons
AI-generated from Innocent Mwatsikesimbe's writing.
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